


Drabble

by OrangeSprout



Category: Mewgulf
Genre: Gulf talks about his emotions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:42:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28181844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OrangeSprout/pseuds/OrangeSprout
Summary: Just a small drabble I found in my WIP folder
Relationships: Mew Suppasit Jongcheveevat/Gulf Kanawut Traipipattanapong
Comments: 2
Kudos: 36





	Drabble

**Author's Note:**

> So I was searching for a WIP and I came across this I wrote awhile ago but I have no idea what for or why and I don't know why but I wanted to post it. It's not really complete but I also don't know where I was going to be able to complete it, so it's just a drabble. It is what it is.

“What do you want me to say?” Mew expected a yell, scream, or a shout but Gulf didn’t do that. His voice was barely above-normal volume. Probably normal for most people but to Gulf it was loud. “Do you want me to tell you I’m jealous of the people around you, that I don’t want to see you talking to other people? Touching other people. Hugging them. Laughing with them... That I-I'm jealous of them?" His voice stayed calm but edged with an emotion that Mew hadn't seen in Gulf before, each word growing fiercer and fiercer like he was scared and angry but afraid that if he spoke any louder the slight wobble in his voice might show. " Do you want me to tell you that I want you with me all the time, by my side? I want your hand in mine every second of every day. That when you're gone a miss you like a fish misses water. That your arms make me feel safe. That I feel like the sun and the moon and all the stars in the sky are not enough to equate to the fire burning within me... for you?”

Mew opens his mouth, then closes. Gulf's stare is so intense, he can feel the churning of his soul. The ache in his bones for Gulf because he feels that way for Gulf and there is something desperate inside of him pleading for reciprocation.

“Because I won’t.” This whisper echoes so loudly in the silent room. The metaphorical knife slicing through the conversation, piercing every word. It hurts. It hurts because he knows that Gulf was infatuated with him first, persuade him first. Wanted him first. But... not enough, it seems.

Mew feels like he might cry, he can feel the prickles in his eyes. The heat in his nose. He bites his cheek, hurt as he takes in a deep breath. “Why not?”

Gulf stands, exhaling in defeat, shoulders slouching more than usual like his own words had crumbled him. “It's not who am."

Gulf steps in front of him, hand cupping his chin. Mew doesn't want to stare into the eyes of the man he loves so incompressibly. He doesn't think he can handle it. He wants Gulf to want him the way he wants Gulf. He wants Gulf to need him, miss him, yearn for him. The way he does for Gulf.

He doesn't want another love where he gives it all and they give him crumbs. Where he scrambles to find enough pieces on the ground to keep himself together in this relationship. He doesn't want to scavage for the reciprocity that he needs.

He also knows that he doesn't want to give Gulf up. That he would rather wither away on the tiniest morsels of attention because at least he has attention. Even if it's not enough. He'd scrab the ground for more even as he withered away because he was never good at self-preservation when it came to his emotions.

Gulf's thumb presses into the side of his lip forcing their eyes to make contact. 

"I'm not good with words... or feelings. I like to be on my own or in a crowd that doesn't seem to notice me. I never liked it when people hugged me. I don't get that feeling deep in my gut giving me fear and turning me green. When things get hard, I sleep. When I have to face emotions I didn't understand or when something negative came towards me, I sleep. You're the lyricist, the one who can great poetry from a blink, not me. Your emotions are written over you like an open book screaming to be read."

Gulf thumbnail scraps against his lip before he pulls it away. Slowly he slides into Mew's lap, hands lying limp in his lap, hair covering his eyes. Mew sees a single tear roll down the heated cheek from beneath the curled locks shadowing his eyes.

"But just because I don't want to tell you these things doesn't mean I don't feel them. I do." Gulf's hands fiddle with a crease in Mews shirt. "I hate when your away. When I can't feel your warmth beside me. When your arms aren't around me. I hate that you're not there to take care of me, fix my hair, clean my face, button my shirt-" Gulf hiccups on the word, looks up at him shining eyes, button lip puffed out. Mew's hands instinctively move to cup those plush pink cheeks. 

"I hate seeing other people getting to interact with you, knowing that I can't at that very moment. That they get your smile, your laugh, your beautiful voice ... and I don't." Gulf closes his eyes and Mew's world gets a bit darker without them. "I've never felt such possession over another human being as I do with you and I don't know how to... feel. How do I understand it? And I have absolutely no idea how to articulate it. When am I allowed to act on these feelings and when should I let them slide? When should I yell and whine and plead until your focus is back on me and when do I step aside and let you live freely?" Gulf chuckles eyes blinking open agent as he leans into one hand. Mew's thumb caresses his cheek.

"So I stay quiet and I wait until you come back because it's easier to understand what I feel when it's only with the one I ... l- ... love." Gulf sniffles a few times before exhaling. "You're always so happy with everyone else, who am I to ask you not to be?"


End file.
